#like i said this post is really stupid
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#this post is very stupid#because the focus of this isn't what i'm going to talk about but i need to say something about this thing#i was really looking forward to 911 lone star s5#i remember crying when i read the news about the renewal#and also being sad with all the strikes#because that show gave me so much joy and it was my safe space#and i really couldn't wait for the next european con to meet the actors#especially rafale and ronen#and i remember being so sad that i couldn't attend those cons etc...#those past cons*#but then ronen ruined everything#like i said this post is really stupid#because the focus here is israel killing people committing a genocide since 1948#but ronen being a fucking zionist ruined my safe space and my favorite show#and idk if i'm gonna watch it once it comes back#right now it's a big fat nope#and again this is just me ranting on tumblr#because what i feel is not important this stuff isn't important when there's a literal genocide happening right now#free palestine now and forever#fuck israel#ronen rubinstein#911 lone star
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I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT
yeaah... future trio got me too...
and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.
hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D
...ignore the rest
whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this
#Can you believe between the first pic and the 4th pic is only a week inbetween. I sure can't but like why did I mirror the pose...#ON ACCIDENT??? Everytime I look at the two Grovyles I'm like... how... how did they end up so differently???#also probably blaming @cozybells as well for this but I really fear tagging people so I'm just letting y'all know in the tags because#I do wanna let everyone know who inspired me when someone did <333 better get running [you know who you are!!!!] DusnoirXDarkrai is next...#also: upon seeing scribz-ag24's art my brain said: You need to color too! ah yeah that went well with the doodle batch#I really hope you're able to read everything with how messy I can write sometimes. If not please let me know and I'll add sth in this post!#Also the doodle batch was the first thing I drew so well... never drew dusknoir before and grovyle once i think...#please go easy on me I have yet to explore the relationship between literally everyone😭 and I have no idea what I‘m doing and I'm a little#lost I normally only draw King Boo or Darkrai but I'm sure scribz-ag24 sprinkling in bits of Darkrai got me in love with the future trio to#grovyle#future trio#celebi#darkrai#dusknoir#pmd hero#pokemon#drifloon#totodile#my art#my stuff#tagas friend spoiler#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#IS THERE A SHIP NAME FOR FUTURE TRIO... there must be. ...oh... is it just...#futuretrioshipping#i feel sooo stupid rn.#also everytime i drew darkrai i had evil spiteful bastard in mind (except for the one with an arrow pointing out he's redeemed) but i think#i literally mixed every possible version of him in my head so got absolutely no clue what i'm doing :D#anyways i hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading through my ramblings! Have such a wonderful rest of the day yippiee <333#pmd2
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#my art#galvatron#cyclonus#every time someone says something like this i get a little bit meaner to t*ilgate#i really dont Want to be a hater but some of you... make it difficult#especially that stupid ass vague post i saw a while ago lmfaoo it gave me a laugh at least but dear lord.#sitting my autistic ass down and listening to the ableism allegations levied against me#its a hatecrime to mischaracterize tg now#i Know tgs personality. i think his personality is immensely annoying#simple as#and i dont care enough abt him to portray it accurately in what is a 5 panel joke comic#like bro im a galvatrongirl u really think i care about failgate??#and anon i hope for your sake and everyone elses that this was said ironically/with the purpose of making mtmtepeople look worse cus if not#transformers
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As an attempt at a polite "going forward" comment...
I do not plan to draw for Three Houses or Hopes for a long while. I know a lot of my followers are from the past four years and I appreciate that you followed me at all! But if you are only interested in the art of those characters I wanted to be clear and say you can unfollow me at any point if what i draw no longer aligns with what you want to see.
I might draw for other FEs (like Heroes or 13/14/17) but I do not want to get involved with 3H any more. I do have other interests and across tumblr, twitter (now inactive), and sometimes on discord I've heard enough "I thought it was (FE3H character)".
This is not one person doing it and it is not simply one character being mistaken. I simply want to distance myself from 3H and have unfollowed a few people that reblog art of it because it just leaves a lingering bad taste in my mouth.
Thank you very much for your time and I hope you can find artists who can provide art for topics you like.
#moe talks a lot#not art#again this is NOT the fault of one person its been accumulating for a loooong time#its not even other franchises entirely being labeled as 3h oopsies!#i think one of the most frustrating was a twitter exp where i drew felicia and flora from fates and someone said thought it was marihilda#its just very demotivating and makes me feel like im nothing but a machine for the 3h fans and i want to move past that#i would far prefer no comments or tags than the constant barrage of mistaking a character when i draw for anything else#i know (or rather hope) people who do this are not doing it to be mean! but ! it hurts to put time into something to have it devalued#im sorry to those that really liked my 3h art but i am extremely burnt out on some comments and being asked to justify my doodles#i just want to draw stupid things and it got to the point i had to explain my stupid things#which defeated the stress relief of it being stupid#half of the asks i never replied to were like this so again it is NOT just one person doing this ! its just finally added up#to me needing to be open and clear#i tried to be concise in the main post but it still looks really wordy#opened the ask box again temporarily but not open to anons so we will see how this goes
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I hate it when I headcanon a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man and make ships of him and a character who’s canonically a guy and I refer to it as a gay/mlm/guyxguy/whatever ship and someone gets mad. Like omg let trans people have FUNNNNN. Why are queer headcanons and genderbends cool until they’re saying that the character is trans???
“OMGGG you’re so misogynistic I can’t believe you would erase FEMALE representation!!!”
and like half of the characters in the franchise are women, and a total of… NONE of the characters are trans men. Also, my headcanon doesn’t change the source material. If my stuff upsets you, you can block me and go engage with the source or maybe every single other fanwork, since mine is the only trans man hc for this character that I’ve ever seen.
or when people are like “WTF??? this is so transphobic!!! how dare you imply that a character who looks like that could be a trans man?!?! do you think that trans men are women or something??? she uses she/her, and you’re misgendering her!”
No, I don’t think that being a trans man makes you a woman or vice versa. That’s why it’s a headcanon, and the headcanon is that this character is actually a trans man and not a woman at all! You’ll never guess what pronouns most trans men had to use at some point in their lives, and you really won’t like it when you find out about pre-(or no-)transition trans men… or trans men who are in the closet… or trans men who don’t know that they’re trans yet.
“But the character is a kid!!! Saying they’re trans is sexualizing them.”
I’ve seen this one from other queer people. Like did you miss when all of the homophobes said this about your identity, or do you think that bigotry is only bad when it’s directed at you?
“Why would you say ‘testosterone could fix her’??? Are you trying to call her a delusional woman?”
Why would your brain even go to that first? This literally has to be a bad faith reading, because there’s no way that someone could see what I said and get this unless they were specifically looking for something to be mad at me for.
(Note for anyone unaware: “Estrogen would’ve fixed him!” was a meme going around at the time I said this. I’m not sure if it’s still super big, but this was a joke to the effect of that.)
“So girls can’t be tomboys anymore? You just wanna trans everyone?”
This is like actual real life transphobic rhetoric. This isn’t even just shitting on my headcanon, but in fact, sending transphobic hate to a trans man. Thanks 👍. Maybe you should go send JK Rowling another message about how much you loved her essay instead of bothering me.
#transgender#trans#trans man#transandrophobia#<- not all of it but the ‘it’s misogynystic to be a trans man!!!’ part is. esp because it’s something that people say about real trans men#is this inspired by a Tik tok about how making male characters women is empowering and making female characters men is misogyny?#(although that post was weirdly about genderbending gay ships? idk why that’s discourse going around 😭😭😭. I miss old fandom sometimes.)#not exactly. although the comments on it sucked. I’ve seen multiple variations of posts like that and all of their comment sections made me#feel like I was wading through raw sewage with how full of shit the commenters were.#I saw one violently threatening anyone who portrays a canon girl as a man (in stupid Tik Tok speak)#oh Feng Min… oh Hilda Pokémon… oh Y PokéSpe… you’re all beautiful young men to me#nonbinary hcs also get you that last one super hard#I haven’t seen as much of this about hcing canon guys as trans girls other than posts where op says ‘name a girl character who (blank)!’-#and then makes an addition that you’re an evil misogynist if you said a MALE!!! (even though Brock Pokémon is a transbian to me </3)#which icks me out so bad. omfg. like she’s a girl to ME!!! so maybe that’s why I’m naming her under a post about GIRLS!!!#I imagine that most of the reason for not hearing much about it is because these types of headcanons just�� really aren’t common#so if you have a bunch of experience with headcanoning characters who are canonically men as trans girls and the hate that it gets you then#feel free to add on (and also please talk to me about your headcanons… there are so few of us. we need to stick together!!!)#it’s not derailing despite this post specifically being tagged about trans men#that’s just bc that’s all that I talk about in my original post#this post has been in my drafts in different forms for probably like months#long post#I guess#anyone remember a while back when someone on this app got violently mad that someone put a character (canonically a guy) in the m/m tags on#ao3 bc the guy was hced as trans in the fic#and the post was like ‘grrr the ao3 gender ship things are talking about GENITALS!!! not gender!!! I’m not transphobic though <3.’#so now to imagine what it’s like to hc a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man just imagine that but it’s worse and also you’re#getting it from other trans people too 👍
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Saw a post right now that said that the affc outline talks about Baelish’s plot to marry Alayne to Harry Harding and then reveal that she is Sansa so that the vale army stands behind her taking the north and not what the stansas are saying. Babes, that is still Sansa taking back the north, keep talking to the wall.
#on that note#why do I???? keep seeing all these posts?#does Tumblr hate me personally?#in case anyone is wondering what the dannie and @ry@ stans are thinking#cope harder#asoiaf#sansa stark#anti sansa antis#like atp I’m genuinely like are you really that stupid?#what’s not clicking?#what do you think the news from white harbour is?#this is same person btw who said who said chapter transitions are not how foreshadowing works in asoiaf#and I just know I will not be taking anything seriously after they said that#how could you miss something so vital to storytelling and be so confident about that
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btw i will forever recommend just. refusing to engage in discourse. its free its easy and you literally arent missing anything LMAO - 99% of discourse on here is just on the most pointless petty shit that literally doesnt mean a single thing to anyone in real life (i am looking directly at you "pRo/AnTi" shippers), and the other 1% is genuinely important shit... that isnt going to be solved in any productive way by insulting '''the other side''' online. arguing with strangers online never changes anyones mind all youre doing is making yourself *and* your cause look annoying as hell :thumbsup: maybe chill out. find a hobby.
#dont even get me started on how apparently this entire fucking site has never heard of nuance in its life#im ngl dude i think if youre boiling down a complicated topic to 'well this is the good side (my side) and then the BAD EVIL SIDE'#and putting anyone who even slightly falls out of line with your beliefs on the evil side#like. thats not gonna be productive in the slightest right. you understand that right#if you wanna have meaningful nuanced discussions with people you actually know about serious topics then go for it!#just dont drag random strangers into it#if i have to see one more post with dumb bullshit acronyms that everyones expected to know that insults anyone who doesnt blindly agree wit#them i stg#'if you dont agree with this then clearly youre a [evil side] who hates [group] and does [bad thing]. theres no other logical explanation#for you possibly not agreeing with me'#and theyre talking about the most obscure insane discourse youve literally never heard of before thatll be flooding your dash for the next#month#had to unfollow a really good artist because they just kep reblogging the most aggressive 'every [evil side] sucks and hates [good side] an#doesnt care about them and wants to oppress them'#(said '[evil side]' wasnt even a moral stance it was literally just something you were born as. like. you get how thats fucked up right)#which uh. sucked! especially since i was part of that [evil side]#anyway midnight rant over tldr uhhh discourse stupid go get hobbies#and if i ever mention what discourse topic inspired this post ill probably get torn apart LMAOO#(hint: its one of the stupid pointless ones)#me.txt
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I’m reflecting on cesaire’s work again and one of the little flourishes he does in discourse on colonialism is that he says the west will have to answer for its crimes against the human community. and I especially love this line because he’s using the same bourgeois universalising language that the imperial core so often does (“human rights” “freedom and justice for all” “spreading democracy across the globe”) but as a cudgel against the west, to reframe the human community as all those who lay outside of it. anyway I think everyone should read discourse on colonialism
#I need to brush up on my post colonial reading I’m not as well read as I’d like to be#once I finish my coursework I’ll have more time for reading shit I actually want to read lol#like I’m reading so much stupid bullshit that does not matter for class#genuinely useless theory that I will never pick up again#I want to finish orientalism in particular. one of the most didactic books I’ve ever read#like said’s writing is like every sentence restates his central argument. It’s an unrelenting book in a really compelling way#Interspersed with him talking fine grain shit about a bunch of European intellectuals I’ve never heard of lol#book club
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had this thought rotating in my mind since arthur had to wear that Anti-Sun disguise. and well. now u see it too
#OH might aswell put this here too#this time CROPPED CORREECFTLLYYYYYYY#ANYWAy i have a whole doodlepage made up of just stupid fuckin arthur comics like this. i just really love him so so so much#HES SO TRAGIC AND SAD AND ROMANTIC but also hes ridiculous. hes so funny. ouh my god.#will today be a 'ramble abt arthur bennet' day. im not sure yet. if it is ill come back to these tags and gut myself#ALSO MY LAST POST STIll stands if u wander into my askbox w a jrwi series n a dream i may share w u a WIP ill never fucken poast#ooouuhooohhh i also take Gentle Requests w a firm NO PROMISES promise. u may influence my actions vaguely#and that is a DIVINE POWER IN YOUR HANDS BOOYYYYYY. TO CHANGE THE WORLD IN SUCH GRAND WAYS.#HAHA HEY IM BACK TO RAMBLE. just a little. anwyay remember when arthur was looking for a hat to wear and chose a cowboy hat#for some reason. hey remember when they were sayin somethin abt how a blood bond makes u think abt the bonder alot.#i had a point here but then my brain went 'the bonderrrrr' and now ive lost my trrain of thought. anyway i hope deacon and arthur f#ight again i hope they fight eachother again. and then mack on eachother crazy style. hey what was that thing deacon was hiding in th cabin#remember that guy he had locked up in there. the guy that said 'help me'. what was that about
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ok... so I have finally finished veilguard after about 90 painful hours (two playthroughs). im not gonna write an actual review about all of my detailed thoughts bc it'll actually take days, this is just to at least get my general thoughts out and see if anyone else feels the same or if ive actually lost it.
overall it is the weakest dragon age game story-wise, and I'd give it a nice lukewarm 4/10.
(i wrote this post right after I finished the game on the weekend so maybe I sound a bit harsh, I tried to edit it to be more reasonable lol but I didn't really want to delete this since I do still stand by a lot of this)
I really tried to go in with an open mind, bc I always want to experience media in full before making any kind of judgement, but about a few hours in I had this horrible feeling that once again this was another soulless, rushed game, and I still don't feel any different after finishing the game.
what stuck out to me was that there's no sense of urgency despite what the plot is, serious topics are not treated with care as the writing overall is shallow, and the gods as well as any other enemy you encounter are just cartoon villains (and apparently the lore retconning, but I'm not well-versed enough to dissect that so I won't).
I can't take this plot seriously when it feels so disjointed and forced and lazy. and I see no point in caring about anything when choices literally don't matter. no say in who you recruit, no say in the relationships with them and they have almost no awareness of rook, definitely doesn't matter if you have allies or not bc they show up anyway, and only four companions are locked into unavoidable decisions where one of them bites the dust no matter what (which is strange bc why are harding and davrin forced to die no matter if they're at hero status while bellara and neve can literally survive blight if they're at hero status), so it's impossible to try to strategize for better (or worse) outcomes with all the people you've gathered when there's only one right answer that the game pretty much tells you instead of letting you think for yourself (and side note this game does an incredible amount of hand holding). the game actively tries to trick you into thinking your choices matter with the onscreen notifications, but nothing matters bc the devs clearly had only one story in mind and for some reason lied that it had "complex choices".
also rook in general wasn't interesting as a protagonist bc they were written to be perfect. they always know what to say and are so supportive of everyone. they never struggle with anything. not even with leadership beyond "man leading a team is hard :/" but it doesn't actually show how hard it is by having actual volatile conflict between the companions* or showing how their plans sometimes fail. which, if we actually had choices that mattered, would have helped develop that struggle. also? what's with everyone being so friendly? I'm not gonna get into that but everyone is so eerily nice and it's been said a lot but yeah, the world is extremely sanitized and devoid of any real conflict aside from the gods I guess.
*(like off the top of my head cassandra fighting with varric and accusing him of not being on their side or how the inquisitor can literally punch dorian and solas if approval is low enough or fenris and anders bordering on killing each other is not the same as lucanis and davrin distrusting each other or people being uncomfortable with emmrich's necromancy. it just scratches the surface of conflict and never goes anywhere)
and let me say real quick again, there's nothing wrong if they wanted to make a more rigid story about being a hero. it's been done a million times and it can be executed well, but if you do that you need to make sure you 1) don't lie to people and 2) actually flesh out your (especially main) characters and plot to give people a reason to care. look at dragon age 2. hawke is a fixed protagonist with their own life front and center. they ultimately only have two choices (siding with mages or templars), but it works bc the game took time to build up the conflict straight from act 1 so by the time chaos happens in act 2 and 3 you understand why bc it's Been brewing the whole time. it just makes sense. the villains as well have sound reasons and feel real instead of being evil just bc. the story is more grounded, yet you have choices. you decide if hawke ends up alone or not. you decide how they approach situations with force or diplomacy. there's none of that in veilguard. a game that supposedly took 10 years to make. when dragon age 2 took almost 16 months (yes I know da2 also has problems like the fact that the templars are always proven right but this isn't the place to dissect that).
I want to be fair though and I do want to restate what I enjoyed about the game. the cc (though would it kill them to have more variety in face textures like age and body types beyond average.. also no colour wheel... especially since they claimed their cc was so good), the map progression/visuals/exploration (how certain places become more blighted overtime), the factions (though I feel there should have been more content for your faction, and helping them or not should have mattered more), the combat (did not feel like a slog, pretty fun and mindless), the companions (bellara, davrin, emmrich, harding, and lucanis had solid personalities and stories despite my complaints. neve was not memorable and I just feel sad for taash's bad writing), certain parts of the story were good, the intro and the point of no return sequences were solid, and the ending didn't feel rushed or boring compared to inquisition. and yes, I do appreciate that rook can be trans, I just think a little more subtly and care would've been nice.
another thing I did like and predicted was that varric died at the beginning of veilguard, and for a second I actually enjoyed that because i thought we were finally (a bit too late tho) getting some depth to rook and their own struggles of accepting his death and carrying this weight without him. and while I do think maybe they should've taken more time to establish the mentor/mentee relationship so we really feel rooks regret, I still think it was at least the right direction where in their grief they still see him, giving advice and narrating their journey.....but then it turned out to just be solas manipulating them the whole time, immediately destroying any emotional weight this reveal had.
whenever bioware has good ideas they shoot themselves in the foot and make it about solas. it's like nothing in the world exists without solas being involved somehow, and that is just incredibly boring and uninspired to me. not to mention solas just being an insufferable ass the whole time, which is fine, but it's not even in a compelling way like he used to be. he became so ugly by the end and the fact that the devs consider redeeming him the "good ending" and not giving him what he deserves is very telling and once again shows their own bias is king over good storytelling (solas' feelings should not come into play here, whether you/your companions live or die should determine good/bad ending since solas is trapped no matter what, only difference is who is trapped with him. idk but I personally think different endings actually means different outcomes). i will not go into the bs of the secret post credit scene, bc frankly I'm fed up with bioware's shitty writing and I won't be playing their next world ending space aliens game (unless they miraculously pull a good story out of their ass but lbr).
overall the bad outweighs the good for me. it's fun to play as a game, it's a decent fantasy game, but the story just doesn't do anything for me. sometimes I wonder if dreadwolf was a completely different game and was scrapped for veilguard last minute. maybe this was yet another inevitable industry fuck up and maybe there was a good story planned at one point. idk. all I know is bioware lied. respect and credit to the poor devs and writers who actually cared and to those who were kicked from the project, but in the end bioware promised too much and delivered too little.
#this is what happens when im forced to be on campus for 12 hours. bored out of my mind might as well make it everyone elses problem#anyway... i think I've said everything i need to. feel free to add on or whatever but if youre going to be an ass don't bother#or just send me an ask telling me how stupid i am and we can kiss about it#bioware critical#datv spoilers#dragon age spoilers#six speaks#i wanted to fix some of my points to be more clear but atp id never post this so ill edit when im more awake#please correct me if im wrong about anything. i don't really have time to dig deep into the game w college so id like to know
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geralt is also a most real depiction of good quality fatherhood and great girldad representation because EVEN THOUGH witchers don’t even experience aging at the same rate as non-GMO humans, EVEN THOUGH it would be “biologically impossible,”
geralt having had been raising a pre-teen girl for maybe a few months to a year already “gave the impression of having aged,” his “face slashed by wrinkles.” the emotional toll on this man from raising she-devil ciri
and this is only the very beginning of the saga. BEFORE everything goes to shit. the wrinkles have set in
#i know this is description is colored by triss’… [sighs] aroused… point of view#but the lines in the second screenshot are such a good description of him come on 🥺#same with when cahir sees ciri then him at thanedd#it’s not canon but please also apply to yennefer post-thanedd 🙏#can you imagine geralt and yennefer reuniting at stygga castle and yennefer only got even more MILFy#sorry. who said that#it’s actually surprising that when geralt frees her from her shackles#we don’t get a paragraph about how he was down bad. not the time geralt but you know he would be thinking ‘ravishing’#meanwhile yennefer is covered in blood and bruises and her hands are fucked from torture and geralt’s still adoring her beauty#yennefer: at her most undignified | geralt: i would worship her#yes yes i know they were defeated and horribly empty at stygga castle#but i’m just saying despite it all the love and attraction persisted. despite IT ALL#you know like they changed so much and got even more fucked up and traumatized#well i’m just raising my hand to say well also they also got sexier.#actually fuck it remember she appears like a titaness for a brief moment. her short queen REALNESS#like i do think geralt deciding to split up is what further doomed the hanza (they were already doomed but you know)#(it was very scooby doo of him to do that)#(on the way there) angoulême sees stygga on the cliffside jutting out above the lake: what?! that creepy castle… nuh-uh…#milva: … would you do it for a bump of fisstech? | angoulême: … | milva: two bumps of fisstech?#um anyways#i was going to say that once geralt freed yennefer it was OVERRR for vilgefortz and skellen and co#BOOO you were all fucked. woman unleashed#remember when bonhart attacks yennefer it is like a lion and a panther in the cell#geralt just unleashed the panther on them#they really should have had yennefer under stronger security like i guess vilgefortz’ misogyny really was the death of him#that is also kind of true because he dies because of geralt’s amulet from fringilla#so it was literally because of several women and a girl and also a vampire that he triumphs#you know when you put dandelion with a group of women it feels like a fox in a henhouse. even if said fox is stupid and gets kicked#however putting regis with a group of women is something like the angel that appeared to mary#the elbow-high diaries
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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THANKS @kimdokjafan you are so kind and generous. ok im cashing in the first of three blank checks to talk about faith trust and pixie dust (most recent chatfic) because the last two directors commentaries were too serious so let's do a silly one.
some p5r spoilers, and this is mostly about sumire, and it's long again. do i need to keep disclaiming that these are long? you should know me by now.
i had this written for a while before i started formatting it because i wasn't really sure if i should post it? i feel like silly chatfic is something people go to for predominantly lighthearted nonsense so i was like, maybe there's too much plot and dramatic misunderstanding and i should just keep this one for myself. but then i was like well nothing matters and maybe someone will have fun with it. it's kind of terrible how much fully or mostly completed fic there is my docs that just doesn't see the light of day lol. write for yourself etc but i like sharing! too bad it comes with the mortifying ordeal etc. anyway that was a tangent
potato counter is a neopets game. there's no deep lore i just like neopets. i guess in this universe ryuji doesn't play neopets? or maybe he's just never played potato counter specifically. i also have a different fic where ryuji DOES play neopets. it's about neopets and ryuji and goro talking on neopets.
i think this might literally be the first time ive written sumi in a fic because i haven't actually written that much fic for royal, like, now that im looking, literally almost none? and none that had a group dynamic. so it was kind of fun to find her voice for the first time in a silly groupchat like this. i was worried people would find her exclamation marks annoying but i personally thought it was endearing so i added it in there.
every time i do a gag where a character corrects their own typo i have to code more stupid little bubbles to make it happen but i think it's worth it. all the effort that goes into making tgis look as much like a real chat as possible
this obviously doesnt take place in the canon p5/r universe, but im imagining sort of a postcanon sumi personality where she's more comfortable being herself and isn't borrowing kasumi's brand of confidence, but she's visibly a really anxious person without that kasumi veneer. i also think in this universe sumire is a fairly recent addition to the friend group, and while everyone likes her a lot and she really likes them, i kind of wanted to emphasise that feeling of being in a friend group where everyone's established and you're sort of a plus-one? you don't really fit yet. part of that is her being new, part of it is her anxiety, part of it is just the kind of person sumi is where she's so polite and self-conscious she ends up taking herself out of things with her own good intentions. stuff like her interrupting the flow of an existing conversation by greeting everyone instead of jumping straight in because she doesn't feel comfortable inserting herself, which means everyone else stops to greet her even though that doesn't normally happen in a friend group, or making a point of thanking everyone for being invited to events while the others take it as a given.
idk i love that she feels a bit out of place with the phantom thieves in p5r. and part of that is a natural consequence of being a new addition in royal who can't be naturally integrated with an existing dynamic but i honestly feel like the writing team realised that and acknowledged it, and really leaned into it, and that made it work incredibly well for me. like, it's part of her character that she's sort of an outsider. it's not like p4g's incredibly clumsy integration of marie and subsequent attempt to shove her down everyone's throat as the canon love interest in p4ga (knife). sumi has that outsider vibe on purpose and it makes me really like her dynamic with the thieves as an individual
goro also feels slightly out of place in these chats, but his conversational style blends more naturally with the other thieves at this point and he even uses their codenames sometimes. i keep saying my chatfic series isn't a real Series because the lore keeps changing, but if we accept that they're all kind of following a General Continuity, assume this takes place some time after the last fic in which ren added goro to the groupchat and they made an effort to integrate him into their friend group. he's kind of there now and has settled into being the weird boyfriend. that's his role.
every time goro says something like "ren and i" assume it's the text equivalent of him talking to the group with his arm around ren's waist.
ok i got really fond of this silly running joke where sumi brings up the weather when she's feeling uncomfortable. she's so polite. i like this thread because setting it up meant i got to tie it off like this:
this just made me happy lol i liked writing this. i tried to use it to demonstrate that despite goro's abrasiveness he obviously knows sumire pretty well, he's attuned to her quirks and knows how to tell when she's having a bad time with her anxiety, so he uses her little weather habit to ground her.
i honestly dont think goro and sumire could be considered close in p5r and as much as i like the "royal trio" in canon they're not really... like... friends? with each other? they're both attached to ren, so it' more a V shape than anything else. but that said, i really LIKE goro and sumi's canon dynamic. he takes a really grouchy but politely attentive supervisory role to her during their few forays into the palace as a trio where he doesn't really know her well but clearly identifies her as a harmless little tryhard who needs some guidance and steps into that role grudgingly, and she immediately looks up to him despite being very wrong footed by his ruthlessness, which i find incredibly charming. i think given time they could be good friends, they just didn't get much chance to know each other very well in canon. so i tried to kinda do that here.
once goro stops being evil and joins the group they all kind of tiredly accept that his role is to occasionally push a cup off a bench while smirking and refuse to clean it up. emotionally, i mean.
wait i need to backtrack chronologically to talk about akeshu.
in this scene they're in the same room lol talking and snickering while typing. im trying to get at that vibe of the annoying couple who is flirting with each other, via you. you know? like ostensibly they're talking to you (sumire) but everything they say to you is part of their stupid game. sumi is incidental to goro and ren teasing each other about flirting with someone else, goro is reporting everything ren says because his boyfriend is so eye-rollingly foolish in a cute way. they're very tickled by how amusing and charming they are. gross. disgusting. sumire im so sorry for putting you through this
anyway here are too many of my favourite jokes from the fic
#futaba gets a lot of my favourite punchlines because i love her. i think she's an incredible vessel for comedic timing#once again you can see how much i overthink everything#given the amount of thought that goes into character shit for what LOOKS like a stupid 3 second chatfic#but is really. a stupid 3 second chatfic with twenty years of overthinking behind it#it takes time and effort. to be this stupid#anyway i love sumi. i think she's so cute. i like her dynamic with the thieves so much#ive said it before but i think chatfic is one of those mediums that looks so deceptively simple because#you know it's just silly dialogue and memes. it's very accessible. anyone can write a funny chatfic#but i think it's such a character-forward 'genre' that it's really really difficult to do well in the sense that it feels like the characte#s you know and not just mouthpieces for memes with familiar names attached. so im kinda obsessed with the genre#it relies so heavily on every character having a distinctive voice without trying too hard to be unique#ideally you should be able to read one of these with no names attached ands till get a general sense of who's talking#without having to rely on liek (sorry) homestuck style quirks which make it visibly obvious#that' skinda hard because irl people's typing styles aren't THAT distinct you know. theres only so many variations#you can make to a person's use of grammar punctuation capitalisation etc before it becomes a gimmick instead of an idiosyncrasy#but hopefully if the character voice is strong enough their identtiy should come through more subtly anyway. idk .idk if im there but i lov#to work towards it#wow i wrote anothr essay in the tags about my love for Modern Epistolary Fiction (chatfic)#after already writing a whole essay in the post#i mgonna shut up guys thanks for having me#rookfic#asks#p5#rookthots
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I'm sorry for the OC brain rot on main....
(the lines are from a post about "tag yourself: awkward/unflirty Sims edition" and honestly? all my OCs are awkward/unflirty so ... yeah...)
#my characters#they (my OCs in general) are not mine if they don't pine and fail at romance#and the fact one of the options WAS actually ask an inappropriate question??? deacon coded if there was ever something deacon coded#i have so many stupid ideas for ymber having the worst comments that he THINKS would be flattering in his head and then he hears it out lou#and is like oh no that was awful im going to be abandoned for that and i deserve it oh wow dang that was so bad#both of them are trying so hard to be supportive and learn about the other and somehow its working?#no one else knows HOW it works but ok buddy#like i saw a mug in a coffee shop that i DESPERATELY want to draw in the modern au i have#with Oh handing it to Ymber saying AH HA found a mug I can gift Deacon the next time you fuck up with talking to him#and then doesn't buy it but is thinking about it and then later that day Ymber says something v blunt and non flattering#and Oh just ARE YOU KIDDING ME I DONT HAVE DEACONS GIFT BC YOU SAID YOUD TRY HARDER AT THIS#the mug in question said#congrats on your breakup we hated him#and there were sparkles around breakup#and it was so funny to me i just .... thinking about how much Oh would love to give it to deacon as a sorry my friend is so bad at this#i really wanna draw more of the sims fail options with the others in the plot but hey i can post it on my side blog and spare you all here#i was thinking about a fanart idea earlier this morning and completely forgot it by the time i sat down to draw#gomen gomen i was gonna try to not do ocs on main but.... alas....
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I think we should stop saying Paul was basically a woman and start saying Ringo was basically a woman, not because it's any less stupid but because it's exactly as stupid and much much funnier
#i don't mean people who say it as a joke that's fine#but there was a time like 2-3 years ago when “Paul was socially and politically treated as a woman” was a serious take people said out loud#honestly the period immediately post get back was a really weird time in this fandom#anyway I'd argue that being emotionally neglected as a child and never developing the ability to recognize your own emotional needs#effectively losing the ability to advocate for yourself#and developing a substance abuse problem to cope with the depression you don't know you have#bc the men around you express their pain so loudly theres no room for you to be anything but okay#is the most quintessentially female experience of any of the Beatles#except they were all men and were all treated like men and that impacted their lives which impacted who they were as people#and denying that bc paul seems kinda girly is so weirdly reductive and somehow also sexist#as if men who express some feminine traits are “basically women” or treated as women#and not as men who express feminine traits#annoys me particularly bc of all the stupid well intentioned advice to women that if you act like a man you'll be treated as one#babe if that was the cheat code to escape misogyny we'd have done it already#but slightly gnc cis people aren't treated as the opposite gender they're treated as slightly gnc cis people#op#paul mccartney#ringo starr#ranting in the tags sorry
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this might sound harsh but honestly i think nate (and i guess crew-ra overall) is completely irresponsible for reinforcing the idea that abuse and bullying are okay because "they hit you because they like you". in a FUCKING KIDS SHOW. spop is teaching wrong ideas about romance and friendship to younger audiences, which is so infuriating because they still make it clear that shadow weaver is bad (which is correct) but they don't apply the same thing to catra who does similar if not worse things than SW does.
like i bet this show would've been a lot more harmful if i watched it when i was much younger. it would make me believe that abuse and bullying are okay because my abusers/bullies have tragic backstories that automatically excuse them, so i would be the one in the wrong.
#i post#spop critical#abuse tw#there are many kids in this fandom obviously#so it's disgusting to see spop romanticizing abuse like this#even though in earlier episodes they had a better approach#but nate just REALLY wanted to make his stupid otp canon#like i said in another post#WHY COULDN'T YOU MAKE ANOTHER SHOW?!#THAT ISN'T FOR KIDS#even if it still sucked at least you wouldn't teach this bullshit to KIDS#ugh.#ranting in tags#ranting
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